Hello! When I explore a new site, I typically first link to a page about the person behind the site.. I want you to know a few things about me and why this site is important to me.
As a Marriage and Family Therapist and Psychotherapist I’ve spent the majority of my life (over two decades) working with hundreds of couples and thousands of individuals experiencing personal and marital problems (such as affairs).
In my marriage I also was confronted powerfully with an affair. (No, professionals are not immune! Actually, there are some qualities about therapists that tend to generate relational problems.)
For 3-4 years I spent tremendous energy learning, reading, healing, talking, changing patterns and working through my pain with my friends, my coach, therapist and with my spouse. As I look back, it was one of the best things that happened to me. I wish it was easier, but…oh well. Who said this would be easy?
The purpose of this site is to help you. I combine my professional and personal experience to provide you with, what I truly believe, a unique but incredibly accurate and helpful way to get to the heart of your marital crisis whether affair or something else.
“I was raised on a farm in NW Illinois – 8 miles from the nearest town of 4,000. Life consisted of work on the farm and church twice on Sundays. I was surrounded by a small group of friends and of course, many family – all white, protestant and most with education stopping at high school, or sooner.
Here I am now, traveling between homes in Michigan and Florida, two advanced degrees, coaching people from around the world – China, Germany, Australia, Middle East, S Africa, GB and a few more.
Yes, my life has changed.
I go back to my home farm town and am amazed how “different” I am. Those old friends who remained seem the same I was decades ago.
That’s not all bad. Neither I nor they are right or wrong.
I just HAD to leave. That’s all.
But, my leaving has not been easy. My thinking, my frame of reference was constantly challenged as I “moved out.”
I encountered “different” people, different foods, different ideas and different ways of looking at the world that generated angst and tension.
I wanted to embrace the new, but, boy, it was not always easy or comfortable. My roots were ripped out of the ground and lay exposed. Sometimes I wanted to go back – but knew I would emotionally and intellectually shrivel and die as a person.
I was compelled – something moved me – to move ahead, although I didn’t always know where the ahead was, although I THOUGHT I knew.
I am forever thankful for the mentors along the way.
Books, teachers, counselors and coaches (although they didn’t always know they were coaching) let me know I was ok – more than ok – valued and significant. They opened new ways of thinking, breathing and living that gave me the freedom to be me, to contribute, to connect in profound ways and to love – myself, others and the universe around me.
I am not there yet; never will be completely in this lifetime. I accept that more; most of the time and try to embrace my limitations and humanity. I smile at my follies much more than before. I long to be wrapped in wisdom, not rightness.
I offer this story about me and offer myself as a mentor or coach.
I know how valuable particular others were to me; to value my experience, especially when I didn’t, to give me the freedom to remove my blinders so I could see others for whom they truly were and see myself in more constructive powerful ways. They rehearsed with me, encouraged me to act and speak with more power and grace.
If this resonates with you and you look to break through your pain and blinders, let’s talk.
I live each moment with an appreciation for that moment. Within that moment I am given the opportunity to discover more fully my strengths, how they are called forth and am reminded that I am a unique person wanting to serve and participate. I live with no regrets for the past or worry about my future.
I accept responsibility for my actions and thoughts. I am responsible for eliciting from my friends, colleagues, family, community, clients and the universe what I need, want or desire. Within that responsibility I find tremendous freedom and joy.
I am a person of integrity, who does the right thing, yet is not bound compulsively by rules. I continually upgrade my personal foundation and intentionally set increasingly high standards for myself. I surround myself with people who accept me and consciously and willingly meet my needs. I give a high priority to caring for myself physically, emotionally, socially and spiritually.
I create reserves of money, energy, time, opportunities and people, that enable and call forth extreme generosity and limitless creativity.
I view my existence as a lifelong process of development and unfolding, tremendously exhilarating and never completed. I welcome the edge of growth and exploration.
My vision for coaching and working with others begins with a desire to add significant value to those I choose to work with and to offer world class service. My ultimate goals are to work with others to expand more fully their world, help them appreciate and utilize strengths and to ultimately watch them develop a life in which they attract without struggle their most important successes.
I develop lifelong relationships, based on mutual trust and confidence, from which a community of like-minded successful people emerges.
1984 – 2002
Licensed by the State of Michigan as a Marriage and Family Therapist
1984 – 2002
Licensed by the State of Michigan as a Certified Social Worker
2001 – present
Online Author, Coach and Specialist in Infidelity
Member of the International Coaching Federation.
Member of Coach University.
Masters of Divinity Degree.
Past Executive Coordinator – Marriage and Family Center
Past Member: AAMFT (American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists)
Past Member: State of Michigan Board: Marriage and Family Therapists
Doctorate of Ministry in Marriage and Family Therapy.
Specialized Training in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing for trauma and performance enhancement.
Wrote the first ebook on infidelity: “Break Free From the Affair.”
2001 – present
President: Break Free Enterprise, LLC